As I worked diligently to decorate my house, something struck me as odd, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. I went from floor to floor, room to room and even searched high and low in the basement, but to no avail. I pondered. I scratched my head. I thought some more. I even asked Reindeer and Greyhound what they thought of the matter, yet they had no deep insight. Where the devil are the bathroom facilities in this house?

I’ve come to realize my house is a one bedroom monstrosity that contains nowhere to take care of one’s personal business. How did this happen? And it’s not just my house, it appears to be all of them. I even checked the local taverns and merchant homes. How can a tavern not contain some sort of water closet?? Do they know the disaster that’s waiting to happen? I found one home that may have contained facilities, but it may have just been a randomly placed bucket.

Come now, we can do better than this can’t we? We may be living in the dark ages, but we don’t have to act like it do we? I mean, we are living in the dark ages right? I forget what year it is. If we can harness the power of the wind and channel the aether vibrations, we can make a decent place to sit, contemplate, read and take care of the more mundane duties of daily life.

Taking matters into my hands, I believe I’ve come up with an elegant solution. It’s come to my attention that many homes have little side rooms available. While this may be a fine place to tuck away a basement hatch, store a chest, or even hide from a PvP rogue who has breached the threshold and intends to dispatch you with Death Touch while you work at the tanning station, I believe these little rooms can be of much better use.

To that end, I have created a simple, but useful privy in my home. And it’s conveniently placed right next to my bar so no more using my plants or sneaking off to the balcony or the complete philistine who sneaks into the hot tub. Oh yes, I know what you did! That’s why I threw that hot tub away!

I started things off with a gothic chair because it offers a sturdy work surface, while still looking elegant. To this I added the pewter bowl which has sufficient capacity, but maintains an air of distinction. I placed a bookshelf to the side with reading material in case things don’t come out as planned as well as a conveniently placed trunk so you can keep your drink with you. Cleanliness is key so there is a fine pewter water pitcher and another pewter bowl for the washing of hands. Clean linens are available on the shelf as well.

I think I’m on to something here. There is another facilities area upstairs I think needs the same treatment. Unfortunately this won’t work in all houses so I need to devise the same layout using the room partitions. But this must be done. We need to bring the privy to all the good citizens of Novia. The undead may be an issue, but if we don’t get this other matter sorted, we may have bigger problems on our hands, or flowing down the streets as the case may be.


I believe it has plenty of room and with this candelabra running all the time we shouldn’t run into any problems. Sometimes my genius knows no bounds!


Yes, I think this will work nicely, let me just give this rascal a test run and see how it goes.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

One Response to What this place needs is a privy

  • Blake Blackstone says:

    We need more creative folks, like yourself, working on these hard issues of New Britannia. Good work!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Comments