I was up for a bit of adventure so I agreed to head down into the sewers for a chance to grab some epic loot. I’m not sure why you would hide loot down there and I’m equally puzzled why you would want loot that has been steeping in things that collect in the sewer. Further, I have to question what the good citizens of Owl’s Head have been eating to make their sewer so putrid and vile. And while I’m questioning things, how is it that Owl’s Head even has a sewer system when there isn’t a single privy in the entire town! Think of it! An entire town with no facilities in any one of the buildings you can visit, yet they have a massive and elaborate sewer system. What the devil happened? Someone run out of money? Or are they just throwing the refuse out the window and into the street to let it roll down hill?

But anyway, if it’s a sewer adventure you want, it’s a sewer adventure you’ll get. So in we went.

I remember being down here a long time ago and didn’t realize there were switches, levers and dials you have to toy with to get the rest of the sewer to open. Again, why is this sort of thing down here? Seems like an awful lot of work and effort for a place designed to store, well, you know.

Alley Oop was the tour guide for this little adventure and she seemed to have the path memorized. Exactly how long have you been down here?

In short order we were in the main chamber wherein we faced a barrage of skeletons, mage and of course a Lich. There are better places to be King of the Underworld ya know!

I did my best to lay down some suppressive fire and keep the skeletons busy. Alley swung the blade in heroic fashion and ultimately stole life from the Lich using Death Touch. Good heavens! Of course you have to admire the zeal. I stood off to the side, while she plunged in headlong. You know what she was standing in right? Up to the waist! Vile business, truly vile!

And of course the chest has be submerged in the muck and you have to feel around for it. Seriously, this is the worst treasure hunt ever!

For all that effort, out came a cloak. Not the Epic armor we had been hoping for, but a ridiculous damn cloak. Honestly, who stores a cloak down here? It’s been buried in raw sewage for who knows how long. The smell’s never going to come out!

Another thing I noticed is the elaborate sarcophagus down here. Who the devil is this guy? Who buried him down here and why? Is this a reward or punishment?

Well, after that trip was over, I jumped into the creek to wash myself off. Hopefully this isn’t the main water supply for this town! Although, it would explain the distinctive taste of the ale in these parts.

We did notice a stag along the shoreline, which isn’t unusual on it’s own, except this silly rascal had waded in until all you could see was his antlers sticking up above the water. At first, I thought he was washing himself off as well. Perhaps he had his own bad encounter in the sewers. But then realized he wasn’t coming up for air. Um, you don’t have gills ya ninny!

Quick on the uptake, Alley leapt into the middle and pointed the wayward animal toward safety. When that didn’t work, out came the flaming sword to emphasize the seriousness of her words. He had no choice but to comply and bounded off.


Oh dear me, what is that smell? Oh, and the color of the water! Wait, that’s not water is it…?


Well, quite an elaborate set up you have down here.Seems a bit much for a “sewer”.


So who’s buried in there and what makes him so damn special? Well, let me rephrase. Is getting entombed down here a reward or punishment?


Ah, the crystal clear waters of the … nevermind.


We came down all the way down here for a cloak? Bah, the smell is never going to come out of this hat.


You better start listening. Once the sword is drawn, bad things happen.


While I agree this will take care of the fleas, it seems just a dash excessive.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

One Response to Into the Sewers for Fortune and Glory! Into the River for Health and Sanitation!

  • Blake Blackstone says:

    After wading through my bullshit for about 6 months now, you and Alley couldn’t have had it that rough down in those sewers! I’ve prepared you well!

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