I’m not always known for having the best decision making paradigm, but when it comes to talking with some guy aimlessly wandering around in a cemetery and going by the name The Odd Mage, I tend to steer clear. But, upon the advice of Alley Oop, I decided to talk to this codger who had some rather interesting albeit crazy things to say.

He said that back in the Spectral Mines, deep down in the caves there was a creature of such ferocity, such cruelty, one so foul that no one who entered to defeat it has ever come back alive. He asked if I wanted to give it a go and said that if I made it back alive I could have a few coins as would be befittingof such an adventure. He even handed over 3 Sacred Oracle Orbs of Obliteration to help with the job. Oh my, Orbs of Obliteration. This guy certainly knows how to market a plan!

Certain death in an attempt to slay a creature that most likely can’t be slain for the reward of a few coins from some stranger who hangs out in the cemetery waiting for strangers to come by? Sure, sign me up! I’ll help you out my good man! Be back in a flash!

So, off we went to find this hideous creature in an attempt to bring about it’s end. Joining in on this fool hearty quest was none other than stalwart adventurer, sampler of the ale and fine dresser, Blake Blackstone. And he brought with him his flaming rod of smiting. I told him of our mighty quest and almost certainty that we would die and he said he didn’t have anything going on for the next hour so he’d be happy to help. But that if he did make it out alive his next stop was going to be a pub. That sounds pretty reasonable.

At the entrance to the rabbit warren we were set upon by three ghosts. Despite their ability to grab hold of my mind and shake it vigorously, I evaded their wicked ways and soon they were sent to wherever ghosts go after you defeat them. I plugged them with a few flaming arrows while Blake force fed them a bit of his polearm. Alley used the one-two punch of double-swing and death touch. They didn’t stand a chance.

Slowly, we pressed on, moving our way down the stone corridor, every watchful for danger. And then it was upon us! Like a flash, a hideous beast with an entourage of skeletons and mages attacked us! We knocked the skeletons down several times, but they jumped right back up again and the battle raged on. The hideous white beast we had been sent after was soon tearing and clawing at us with all the terror and fierceness that Mr. Crazy Pants in the cemetery had warned us about. It was all I could do to keep my wits about me!

I shot flaming arrows and blasted it with ice. Alley hacked and slashed at multiple skeleton targets with her flaming sword. Black cut huge circles through his enemies, his polearm blazing fury in the dark cave. It was a cacophony of noise and terror as bones broke and flesh tore. The clang of metal echoed and reverberated off every wall. Death was at hand!

But Alley and Blake drove the final points home and everything went silent. There was merely the trickle of water from who knows where. The terrible creature known as the Dark Archlapin of Death and Destruction was no more. It was a hideously furry beast that made my blood run cold. I’ve never seen something so ominous!

And then we looted it’s treasure! Multi-colored orbs nestled in a treasure chest that must surely be worth a fortune! I’ve never seen such gems! They were glorious in color and magnificent in size. With all of this to our name, Blake and I would be able to buy out all the ale any tavern had to offer.

Yet again, death had been averted. I’m not sure how we survived, but we were victorious and lived to tell the tale. And oddly, in all the chaos and excitement I forgot to throw out the Oracle Orbs of Obliteration. I still have them in my pocket. Probably not safe to wander around with those. Will need to store them in a cool, dry place.

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Odd Mage eh? And hanging out in a cemetery muttering to yourself. What possible harm could come from striking up a conversation with you right? I mean, you can’t be any worst that what’s his name and all that damn cheese.

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The hideous beast is upon us!

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Die you wicked spawn of SATAN!!!! Stab it Blake! Stab it! Alley, don’t let it eat me!

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My heavens, look at it! It’s hideous! We surely just narrowly avoided death at it’s evil hands. Be careful though, it’s likely to rise from the grave and attack us again!

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Treasure!!! Oh yes Blake, the tavern will be ours for the drinking tonight!!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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