Even though the previous event went awry, I was still keen on the idea of spending time in the outdoors, lounging by the cool water side and grilling in the great outdoors. News came to me that maybe the North Brightbone Woods might fit the bill. It was said to have a lake, camping cabins and a nice place set up for grilling. It sounded quite ideal so we packed up some gear and headed out.

At first glance, it seemed quite lovely with personal tents and some larger cabins to occupy. It was nicely fenced in and even had some fabulous lookout towers for bird watching. The promised lake was a lovely one with lots of coastline to sit around and even rocks to climb. I dare say I was nearly giddy with excitement.

As Alley Oop and I unloaded our gear, it started to become clear why this place was vacant and the rental fee was so cheap. It seems we interrupted a Cult convention and like those other philistines in the Wetlands, they were in no mood to share of be sociable.

I made the mistake of thinking the suckling pig had been started for us by the kindly caretakers of the camp, but Cultists claimed it was theirs and were in no mood offer any. After some less than complimentary words it became apparent we weren’t going to reach an agreement. I was more than willing to simply walk away from the deal, but they chose to be mean to my dog and so it was on. Call me what you will, but leave my dog, Danish, out of it. Those are fighting words my friend.

I took the high ground and Alley jumped into the middle of the fray. Those simple-minded Cultist quacks had no idea what they were in for. Let me just state they brought this on themselves and they got a hot meal of flaming sword, let me tell you.

They were dealt the business end of Alley’s blade as I took the great satisfaction of shooting them in the back, again and again. They tried to run, but it was too late for that sort of thing. Alley dropped the entire lot of them to the ground and took a moment to wipe her feet on their backsides. To add insult to injury, I fleeced their pockets. It may be petty, but I’m not above such things. Besides, we’ll need to use some of the coins to pay for the damage we caused. I don’t really thing anyone is going to buy that those tents were already on fire and smoldering when we got there.

When we thought the dispute had all been settled, we had a look around the rest of the camp and found the conditions less than ideal. My goodness, who’s doing the upkeep on this place? If you’re going to have a stone resort, you might want to put the walls and roof back on the place, otherwise it’s just a stone platform and it’s not really that appealing.

I was all right with the tents even though they were a touch small, and with the cabins even though they had a smell I couldn’t quite identify, but these statues of theirs were a bit much. What is all this goat head business anyway? You’re out taking in the scenery and then all of sudden there is some creepy statue of a half man half goat looking thing with giant horns coming out of it’s head. That’s a bit off. I mean sure, it makes for a fine marker so you can find your way back to camp, but I think a pillar with a torch on top would have been a better choice.

I believe these Cultist types are up to no good out here in the woods all alone. They may not be making toxic hooch like the last place we visited, but they’re up to no good, I can feel it.

And it wasn’t just the goat heads that made the place a touch undesirable, it was the out of control bears, the hostile wolves and the fact that the lake didn’t have a single fish in it! How can you say this is some sort of fishing resort when there isn’t a single fish in sight! Foul I say! Deception indeed!

Twice I’ve been bamboozled while trying to take a break from all this adventuring. I’m not sure who’s putting out these vacation pamphlets, but when I find them, my boot is going to give their hind section a piece of what for let me tell you!

 

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Ah excellent, someone has come out to meet us and show us which lodging will be ours. I’m not sure what the needs the shield for though.

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Wonderful, a bird watching tower! I bet it’s a great view from up there!

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Oh yes indeed! You’ve anticipated my needs and got the barbecue all set up and the pig roasting nicely.

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What do you mean, this is place is yours and we have to shove off? Maybe now that you’ve had a few minutes to lay there face down for a few minutes we discuss matters like civilized people. And the flaming arrow is because you insulted my dog. Danish is a purebred you buffoon.

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Well, I see the negotiations are over and they’ve agreed to your terms. Now, let’s see what they have in the pockets of the snappy cloaks of theirs.

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Whoa! What in the name of Halmar is up with this statue? It is quite striking, but I don’t think it sets the right mood for the place.

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Stone château my eye! Stupid thing doesn’t even have proper walls and a roof. That is not rustic my friend, it’s rubble.

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Good heavens! Another one! What’s going on around here? I don’t have a good feeling about this guy and what he represents.

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Oh? And who the heck is this guy? What makes you so gosh darned important eh? Are you the one this supposed resort is named after?

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And just think, not a damn fish in the place. Now that Alley is out of the water I have a good mind to do something unspeakable to this lake from all the way up here.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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