I started my evening with a casual stroll along the calming seaside docks of Ardoris. The gentle breeze as it wafted off the ocean was a pleasant change. There are only so many hits to the head you can take before it really starts to take it’s toll. Good thing I’m not there yet, but still, one has to be careful.

As I strode along the docks in the light of the moon, I found myself at the new lighthouse that Alley was now the keeper of. And she has been busy furnishing this waterfront property. She had previously made a deck on the water which I thought quite fabulous even though I slipped off and had to swim all the way to shore, up the steps, across the dock and back down the pathway to where I started. That aside it was quite lovely. But new additions have been added such as a floating hot tub platform – I always wanted a party barge, and some new water decoration to pay tribute to the virtues. It’s really quite striking and the fact it actually floats out there in the bay is quite impressive in it’s own right.

I have trouble decorating on land and placing rugs in the appropriate location and now Alley has gone off the deep end – literally – and is building decorations that float in the lagoon of her home. One day I aspire to catch up with such decorating savvy.

But there was more to see as Blake Blackstone said River Beauchamp was having a tour of her newly decorated Baron home. Well, yes of course, let’s go check it out. Since I’m all for learning new home decorating tips I made my way to the ferry and set my course for Solania.

And what a lovely home it was too! Not only is the Baron home quite large – large to the point that I got lost in several of the rooms and couldn’t find the correct staircase – but River had done a lovely job of decorating. Her use of space was quite enviable. The rooms were adorned with tasteful furnishings and I especially liked the balconies with seating to view the oncoming sunset and the twinkling stars.

As we were touring, a special guest appeared. It seems Lord British was looking for some decorating tips of his own and popped in to get some advice. We took a gentle stroll around the house, admired the table and plants and even sat on the floor to get a different perspective. I believe he may have been looking for a diversion since he was giving the meat and cheese platter a rather lusty eye. Not to worry my liege, give me the signal and the sausage tray is ours for the taking. There is plenty of room in these leggings and none shall be the wiser.

But there is no rest for those in charge and Lord British was off to Kingsport to visit the local tavern run by Wody. A fine choice indeed.

However, with the home decorating tips logged and sorted, it was time to get to the main business at hand. Since Blake and I are still keen to be pirates and commandeer a frigate, we felt it in our best interest to practice the skill and art of taking a vessel by storm. This would also fulfill the second goal of practicing our ability to enter and exit a home in a more stealthy manner.

The first objective was to board the house which also doubled as a frigate. A frigate on dry land and without any sails, but a frigate nonetheless. Since Alley is now on the run from the local constabulary, I took possession of her recently vacated property in Soltown. This worked out perfectly as there is a lovely cottage next door.

Blake lined up his approach and with great zeal and vigor he thrust himself off the ramparts of my new home and over to the awaiting roof of the home next door. At least that was the plan. Alas, he fell just a touch shy of reaching the mark. Sadly, this meant he plastered himself to the side of the home, rendered himself unconscious and slid to the soft, comfy lawn below wherein a rabbit gave him a sniff then wandered off.

Not a spectacular first attempt, but that’s why we practice!

And practice.

And practice some more.

After the 10th attempt, Blake was no closer to landing on the roof in a graceful or silent manner. It was then that Alley had the idea of making a slight scaffold that could aid in bridging the gap between the two structures.

Brilliant! And I just happen to have some spare benches laying around for just such a situation. It was only a matter of minutes and we had a lovely makeshift platform that would aid us in seizing the house next door. We certainly won’t be able to use benches for entering a home or boarding a vessel in the future, but it’s all about baby steps.

And then with grace and speed, Blake was soaring through the air, his destination a solid landing on the roof. He hit the mark perfectly, but did not stop as expected or within the space allowed and soon found himself on the opposite side of the house, back on the ground with a lovely view of the stars from the flat of his back.

“Well, how hard can this be?” I asked of no one in particular as I took a running start and landed in fine form and fashion on the roof next door. I have to say I was a tiny bit stunned. Not from crashing into the house, but from actually making it across. It was quite unexpected. These flights of fancy normally end with me face down in the bushes and in need of a new mug of ale.

From this small victory we took turns and honed our skills at the fine art of seizing a non-moving structure by hurling ourselves at it with great force. There were a few mistakes, a few missteps, a minor miscalculation here and there, but within a couple of hours and several hundreds attempts later we were slightly better than when we started. And I was only slightly dazed and confused from hitting the side of the house. And the ground. And the benches. And the rampart.

It should be pointed out that we could have simply walked in and seized the house through the front door as it was unlocked, but that would have done nothing to help aid our dreams of brute force frigate thievery. And we when do get a frigate, we’re swinging by Braemar and we’re scooping up Halmar just so we can make him swab the deck and then walk the plank!

It’s these small dreams that sustain me.


A hot tub? On the water? Brilliant!


Hey, pretty cool water feature in the shape on an ankh. At least I think it’s an ankh. It is an ankh, right?


Hello deck of no return, we meet again.


Ah, Lord British, you’ve come for some decorating ideas too? Sweet knickers!


So, how does the house look from down there?


Um, Blake. I don’t mean to be rude or critical, but what the hell happened here?


Hell’s bells! This is turning out to be dangerous business.


1.. 2.. 3.. FLING!! And let me point out the balance on these benches is amazing!


That is some spectacular form Blake! You’ve got it this time!
Um, where are the rest of the benches and how is that one suspended in air?


Well yes, he does need to move out of the way so the rest of us can have a turn, but hacking off his leg isn’t really the answer is it?


Ok, so um, what does this accomplish again?


Stop looking at me like I’m going to plummet to my death.


You know, we’re not really very good at this sort of thing


No, Alley, no! You’re supposed to land IN the hot tub. IN!!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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