It seems there is indeed an Afterlife and even though all of my worldly possession were obliterated, it appears they were replaced by exact duplicates that arranged themselves quite neatly and tidily in the bank and were there waiting for me once the cover of darkness lifted. Strange indeed how that worked. But alas, no Wizard’s Hat.

What better way to get life rolling again than by going out and getting a new hat and who doesn’t want to start things off with a new Fez? So practical. So stylish.

This series of quests must have been made with Alley Oop in mind since it requires a great deal of sewer spelunking. I guess all the time down there with the bandits has paid off.

While I am in no way as skilled as Alley in the arts of combat or sewer navigation I figured I was up to the task of heading down into the depths to say hello to a couple of Tour Guides and pick up a fashion accessory. What could possibly go wrong, right? It’s just a tour, it’s no big deal.

Things start off in Soltown so I nipped around the corner, through the cemetery and into the catacomb. After a few paces I began to see the sewer strewn with bodies which started to make me wonder. As I turned the first corner and the number of bodies continued to rise, I got an uneasy feeling. As I entered the chamber which reverberated with the sounds of combat and saw bodies piled high at the foot of the Guide and not even a look of concern upon his blue metal face, I felt I may have made some errors in my decision making paradigm. And then I got shot in the back. And stabbed in the side. And poked in the head. And then blackness.

So, my first outing was not a success, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful on my next run.

I was not successful on my next run. In fact, I did worse.

But I’m not one for the shilly shally, so I threw myself headlong into danger once again. When that failed , it was Alley Oop to the rescue! It should come as no surprise that she is already keen with the blade and her sense of direction in the sewers is the stuff of legend. And being a legend in the land of the sewers is still a legend!

So with her help we blazed a trail through the Tour! Not to admit to being a coward or sissy, but I sort of had my eyes closed most of the time since one hit from a spider or skeleton would do me in. With that in mind, I’m not entirely sure where we went. But we were in the sewers, so hard could it be?

Let it be known this Tour is a wee bit on the tricky side. It’s no longer just popping into a new locale, taking a quick peek at the new scenery and then moving on. Oh nay nay, you’re gonna need to work for this one and you might want to pace yourself. I would highly recommend gathering up some friends or at least gaining some experience before you head out there. And the easiest way to get that experience is to complete a few quests. Head up to Owl’s Head so you talk to Morton and help out Winslow. Jump over to Kingsport (which is where you need to go anyway) and talk to Erin and Harry. From there, head up to Owl’s Nest to chat with Kelly and then down to Braemar to say hi to Bodan. You can also talk to Flynn while your down there and then chat up Anton when you get back to Kingsport. This should put you on the right track to bulking up.

But here is what I recall of events. The landmarks should be pretty well known to most people.

Ardoris Sewers

The Ardoris Sewers are underneath the city of Ardoris. You can find the entrance just to the North of the bridge leads to the Priestess Khasi’s palace.

Head toward the statue in the center of town. The sewer is close by. Once we were inside, I really had no idea which way we went. I remember seeing that wrecked boat that was down here before so it’s in that general vicinity.

I had my eyes closed and feared for my meager life, what do you want from me?!

Solonia Catacombs

The Solonia Catacombs can be reached in a small crypt in the swamps near the very edge of town but still within it, by the lake.

There is the large statue in the lake by all the shop. Head towards that, then drift to the northwest. The catacomb is off to the side and in fact is just past a waterfront lot with a boat moored on it. Once again, just wind your way through and yet again, the Tour Guide is hanging out with all sorts of unsavory characters. Plenty of Elf Fighters to go around. Why isn’t the Guide more distressed over all the bodies at his feet? Uncaring devil!

Soltown Sewers

The Soltown Sewers can be reached via a crypt in the Soltown graveyard outside of town.

Since this looks like Braemar, from the center of town, take the right and head toward the cemetery. Jump into the crypt. From there, just follow the twists and turns (and the bodies) and you will come to a room loaded with Bandits. Make with the chop chop!

Owl’s Head Sewers

Owl’s Head is a city in the Hidden Vale, which can be reached via a boat from Ardoris! Then from there, travel west and north from Kingsport! The Owl’s Head sewers can be reached by a gate just off the southern bridge leading into town.

Despite all the bodies strewn about, this one is quite easy. Before you go all manner of crazy, when you get to the outcropping wherein you can jump to the left or go straight ahead and into the face of danger, hold your ground for a moment. The Tour Guide is actually to the right. Either go down the ladder or jump to the ramp to your right and follow it up. He is mere feet away. No need to venture too far in and get all stinky.

Savrenoc Stronghold

The Savrenoc Stronghold is home to a group of dark elves that call themselves the Legion of the Obsidian Eye! Getting to the tour guide might be dangerous! But if you want to try, it is within the Savrenoc Forsts in the Grunvald, to the north of Ardoris and the Perennial Coast!

As stated, head North from Ardoris and keep going through Grunvald Shardfall. Then make your way a bit to the south to the stronghold.

Once inside, take the Left and head over to the ruins. Go up the stairs and he is immediately to your left.



Ha ha!! Fortune, Glory and a new Fez awaits! Into the Soltown Sewers!
Oh, this doesn’t look promising. 


You’re hanging out with a bad crowd Mr. Tour Guide. And you could at least have the decency to put your skeletons back in the closet and at least have an air of concern about the death and carnage you’re causing. You’re just dead inside aren’t you?


To Ardoris and the little catacomb that is tucked away in the bushes. Not sure why they put this right next to the waterfront property. Bad town planning right there.


Oh, hello fellow travelers! Good work in getting rid off all the Elf problems before I showed up. Certainly makes my life easier! Gotta run!


No one puts the Ardoris Tour Guide in the corner!!
Oh wait, I guess they did. Wow, you must have really been bad to get a time out in this place.


Ardoris sewer entrance just past the town center and the Oracle. It looks so calm and peaceful from out here. Too bad the smell of death hangs heavy inside! There is another heavy smell in there, but I’m sure you can figure out what that is.


Not much of a stronghold is it? And bodies sprawled out in the field mean nothing to you eh?


Yikes! What the devil happened here? Why are there so many bodies outside the entrance? Someone should come and clean this mess up. This will drive tourism away for sure. Oh, come to Owl’s Head, have an ale, put up a house. Don’t mind the graveyard we have developing in our water supply.


I see you hiding over here! Now gimme the hat!! You owe me!


Goodness, what he heck kind of mistake did he make to end up in there?
But never mind that! We have hats!!! Swingin!!!
Um, can we leave now? This “puddle” is starting to make me nervous.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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