It’s that time again, when for no apparent reason the Tour Guides scatter to the most inconvenient locations in the realm and wait for us to come along and say, “you’re it!” and then toss out a (usually) festive hat which we wear for a few days then drop into the bank never to be seen or heard from again.
But the play’s the thing, so off we go, out under cover of darkness into locales we are ill-equipped to survive.
This time around we have 4 locations to visit, which sounds easy, until you realize just what’s waiting for you. Oh, but can’t spoil the fun and surprise now can we?
Desolis – Desolis is a trading post in the midst of the Grunvald desert, north of Solace Bridge. It’s very popular with the people seeking to explore the Epitaph for relics of the Obsidians.
As stated, head north, out into the wasteland. We’ve been down this way before, so just follow the path and look for the big floating Obsidian rock in the sky.
Once inside, head SouthWest and look for the wayward villagers dancing around the Shardfall they have harnessed in the city square. They seem to be paying undo homage to the thing that’s for sure. But the Tour Guide is right next to it, selling tickets to the next stop on the tour, the Epitaph. Where is the Epitaph you may ask? Look behind you my friend.
the Epitaph – The Epitaph is an old fortress of the Obsidian Order next to Desolis. It holds many secrets!
Holds many secrets? An understatement indeed! The Epitaph is the prison right next to the Desolis town square and the first thing you notice is all the prisoners are armed. If this doesn’t spell trouble, I don’t know what does. And honestly, who puts a prison right next to the market?
Ignoring that, the first order of business is to light a torch and head inside working your way to the grand staircase that goes into the very pit of Hades! It’s no good when even the prisoners blurt out, “you’re on your own from here!” then giggle and run away.
Head down the staircase and watch for slime and other creatures out to get you. Alley had to show some crocodiles who was boss as she ventured into the homemade waterslide the prisoners had put together. While I admire their water themed park, I don’t think it’s going to attract many visitors.
Head down the corridor and when in the large chamber head for the North door. There are 4 doors. One is blocked off, one has a dragon skeleton, the other the Tour Guide and the other door is one you entered and need to return through. Make note of that door, it can be a bit tricky to recall again especially since there is something called the Underdweller lurking about and you be on the run.
I admit, I got a bit turned around and kept going down the wrong corridor in my attempt to work my way back out. This is also how I found the troll hidden away in dank room. An Underdweller was after me and I took a few wrong turns. There is definitely no need to talk to that guy. He just wants to grind me for his bread.
South Grunvald Barrens – The southern Grunvald Barrens are in the desert north of the Perennial Coast. It’s near the Grunvald Shardfall which you can see some distance away!
This is right next to Desolis, so just turn around and you should see it.
Once inside, head East my friend, ever East. However, keep an eye out to the right hand side and when you see an opening, head North toward the pillars. The Tour Guide is hanging out in the ruins. Then it’s the long walk to the South and then back West to the gate.
Wynton’s Folly – Wynton’s Folly is a desert in the Hidden Vale, which you can reach via a boat from Ardoris. It’s in the southern part of the Vale.
This is an area we’ve visited before and it’s just up the road from Braemar over toward the coast. It’s easy enough to find, but get ready for what lurks within.
Once inside, you will head East then SouthEast looking for the ruins and carved statues that are to the West. The Tour Guide is up on a plateau, but it may not be obvious how to get to him. You will need to enter the ruins, start to climb the stairs and then climb onto the rubble itself. The stairs come to an end, but a couple of outcroppings will give you enough of a foothold to shimmy up there. And yes, you must shimmy, trying it any other just won’t work out and you’ll slip and fall to your death.
As you get to the top, the Tour Guide is off to the West, however, don’t get all silly and just go walking out there to say hi like you’re on a Sunday stroll. Evil awaits! Evil that comes on swift, fiery wings! A giant Phoenix guards this area and he’s just looking to set you on fire. Normally he patrols and guards his less than savory looking nest. While off in the distance you should have enough time to run up to the guard, slap him on the back of the head, steal the hat and make your getaway. Don’t linger, if that devil bird sees you he’ll be on you in a flash and then it’s fiery death from above! Oh yeah, keep an eye out on the ground itself, the scorched earth can give you a bit of hot foot as well.
If you survive, you will receive the rather fetching Highwayman Hat. I think this is a good look and will serve me well out in the desert when I go out to visit Desolis again. Those wacky desert people are up to no good out there where they think no one is watching, but I’m on to their game.
Hello there good citizen, I see you have captured some sort of rock, brought it to the town square and are now worshiping it. How’s that working out for you? I see you have a Tour Guide as well. Nice adobe dwellings you have out here in the middle of nowhere, under the watchful eye of no one.
So, this way to the Epitaph you say? Yeah, sure, looks perfectly harmless. I’ll go first.
Hmm, a sinister looking staircase that leads into the very depths itself. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with going down there. Let me just grab a torch and we’ll be on our way.
No worries! I found the bar!
Oh, hey Tour Guide! What ya got going on in there?
Oh, hey Tour Guide. Fancy meeting you here. Any chance next time I can give you some coins and you just deliver the hat to me?
Mysterious carved statues out in the desert. Sure, I’ll head on in and see what’s happening.
Hmm, what is that strange glow I see before me?
Where does that staircase lead to?
Am I right or am I wrong?
Did you pick this place on purpose? C’Mon Tour Guide, WTF?!!
Oh, hey there Devil Chicken. Wahoo, you sure do put out some heat don’t ya? So, um, would you like a hat? I bet the Tour Guide has an extra, I can ask him for one if you like.
Haha! Safe and sound at the pub with a new hat to show for the effort! The things I do to improve my fashion sense.
More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia
- Completing the Grand Tour to get the Bycocket Hat in Shroud of the Avatar Release 18
- Completing the Grand Tour for Release 16 of Shroud of the Avatar
- Completing the Grand Tour in Shroud of the Avatar Release 14
- Completing the Grand Tour in Shroud of the Avatar Release 13
- Completing the Grand Tour to get the Nomad Hat in Shroud of the Avatar Release 25
- Completing the Grand Tour and getting the Silver Carnival Jester Hat for Shroud of the Avatar Release 15
- Completing the Grand Tour to get the Pilgrim Bonnet in Shroud of the Avatar Release 24
- Shroud of the Avatar Release 12 Grand Tour
- A desperate prison break in Desolis
- Completing the Grand Tour to get the Fez Hat in Shroud of the Avatar Release 17