In the early days, I was quite happy to have Woody as a companion to help defend against the wolf and bear onslaught which I seemed to find myself in. But then, on a moonless night, secreted away, I began to practice the dark arts and soon gained the ability to summon undead creatures to do my bidding. As my skills and lust for power continued to grow, I eventually gained the arcane knowledge to summon into existence creatures from the very earth itself.

This wasn’t enough. In time I was able to harness the power of fire and with the help of a couple crackpots out in Desolis, I conquered the Pillar of Fire and gained the ability to craft fighting minions out of pure fire. This has become exceptionally handy, not only for defeating my enemies, but cooking meals in a snap.

Yet, I wanted more power and after dealing into the dark arts even more, my power to control the undead knew no bounds and after meeting some half-dressed stranger in the woods I was able to summon a Lich into being. While not really one for conversation like Woody, I appreciated his axe and smooth, swinging style.

Even this wasn’t enough. If only I could harness the power of the sun. With all my scorching of enemies using Searing Ray, I was close to achieving this goal. With the help of powerful friends like Alley, Oba and some of their companions, we took on the challenge of defeating the Phoenix and bringing back proof of my worth to harness the power of the sun.

Soon, and with the help of yet another poor soul in Desolis who’s had their brain poached like an egg from the noon-day sun, I had received enlightenment in the power of creating a Phoenix out of the rays of the sun!

With Alley and Oba, I went to Wynton’s Folly and unleashed his fiery chicken fury on those miserable Thugs and Bandits who wanted nothing more than to stab me in a hurtful place and steal all my animal hide money.

But no more! Fire Chicken swept in on stealth wings of death and set those miserable sods on fire! It’s not so funny getting a fireball to the face is it lads! We’ll see who’s laughing last, and it’ll be me, because you’ll be face down in the blazing hot sands of the Folly with your leggings on fire. And who’s going to put you out? Not me my friend! Oh no! If nothing else, I plan to stack up your lowly carcasses and use the smoldering embers to cook the Large Corpion I just happen to have in my backpack. I’m sure it will taste just like lobster.

Some of that might not be necessary, but it’s always advisable to have a backup plan.

Now, my full powers are coming to fruition. I can call upon a myriad of companions to help protect me against the hostile elements of this world and call for help when things get slightly out of hand. So, if you’re in need of vengeance and don’t have all-powerful friends like Alley and Oba to call upon, there is always turning to some dark magic and just creating them out of Earth, Fire and Death itself. Nothing wrong with it. What could possibly go wrong?

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Huzzah! The Phoenix doesn’t stand a chance! Yes, of course I’m helping, I’m just standing back here to take aim and then I’m headlong into danger with the rest of you!

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So now I have to get some feathers off this beast. Ok, sure, I don’t see how anything could go wrong considering this damnable beast is still smoldering.

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Fire Chicken! Oh yes, there will be vengeance.

Perhaps I should go see Halmar and discuss that bar tab he keeps nagging me about…

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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