Not that long ago, whilst out minding my own business and taking in the great sights of this land, I entered the foreboding lands of the Ruined Keep. I heard tales of a Lich taking up residence, rattling it’s bones and skulking about. I thought it best to see this for myself, but was stopped short when I tried to cross the bridge.

Poised on top, seemingly minding his own business was a large troll, and from the wind direction, he reeked of an effluvium I shant soon forget. But bathing habits should not instill hostility and I ventured forth to greet this troll and ask what he may know about the Lich.

Before I was able to state my query, the ruffian unleashed a huge boulder in my general direction narrowly missing my helm and a chance to cause me serious distress.

I declared that I came in peace and mutton sandwiches, but my words were for naught. He quickly hurled another stone at me, this time, it made devastating contact and knocked me right off my feet.

A fire elemental was soon called to my aid and with the additional cleansing power of Immolation, I lunged onto the bridge to confront the brute.

My heart turned to water as I noted his hulking size. I had taken for granted it was merely a trick of light, a play on perspective that made him seem so dreadful.

But there was no turning back. I had already singed his hind section and retreating now would only get me another boulder.

I threw myself to the hazard. Hotpants did what she could to assist in my endeavor. I launched into a savage barrage of attacks. The first round could have gone better as the troll lurched back and kicked me like a used Gustball right off the bridge. I plunged headlong onto the boulders and path below. The injuries were debilitating and for a time, I thought it perhaps best to simply lay there and wait for the troll to get tired and move on.

But from atop his perch, he saw fit to chide and mock me. He called down many hurtful words and performed dances that were not done out of celebration.

Gathering my wits, finding my sword and refitting my helm, I stormed back up the bridge for another try. Hotpants and I were committed to the cause and threw ourselves in again.

The ground was scorched with fire. The air crackled with lightning. The bridge rocked with the power of earthquake. Every trick, every spell, every swing was used in defeating the nemesis and much to my surprise, I was victorious.

In my chaotic flourish, I put together a series of blows that verily called down the thunder itself!

I then rifled through the stinky beggar’s pockets and grumbled at the meager four coins he had upon his person.

And since my armor was in no fit state, I had no choice but to abandon the outing and return to the Hollow for repairs. A cursed afternoon to be sure.


Get up! Get up you horrible ruffian, so I can knock you back down again!


Oh my! What have we done?! That’s it, leg it back to the Hollow before someone catches us!
I’ll put on this cloak as disguise and will travel with Air Elemental so none shall be the wiser.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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