The initial groundbreaking of my stronghold to assuage the damage done to me by Alchemister materialized with resounding success, however, after lackadaisical progress due to the crew I hired and their need for breaks, cold ale, mutton sandwiches with pickled onion and insistence on appropriate safety measure, I had no choice but to remove them from the task and engage the services of a corps that could complete the task according to my guidelines and specifications and without this needless concern for safety and staying out of harms way. As such, I went to the docks in search of a crew who could handle the scope of my massive erection.

I was able to secure a troupe of workers recently departing a vessel in Kingsport. I believe they were just the type of builders I needed as they had a more cavalier attitude toward safety as noted by the drawing of a skeletal head upon their caps. Further, Anton recommended them highly, but gave fair warning that all valuables, especially gold trinkets should be locked away until the work was completed. Sound advice indeed.

And so they assured me the work could be completed with ease and in a fraction of the time the previous layabouts had suggested. All they required were a few bottles of rum and this job would be sorted in no time.

I took my leave and gave them free reign to work as they saw fit without my interference. I see now that it would have been to my advantage to investigate their headway on a more regular basis.

I admit, the fortress is indeed up, but there are a couple of minor details that prevent it from being the perfect embattlement that I envisioned. Perhaps the biggest point of contention is that it does not contain the rotunda styled turret towers in the corners that I requested, so it does instill the appropriate fear and respect that should be ascertained whence gazing upon it. Another, equally distressing issue is the lack of spikes along the parapets so as to thus repel invaders should they be foolhardy enough to make a stand against me. The third is a minor sticking point and borders on splitting hairs, but I feel it bears calling out. The stone walls were indeed in the wrong place.

I believe I was quite specific and direct in where I wished the fortress to be constructed. And I was duly assured by the steward I assumed to be the man in charge that he understood my request considering I put and X on the ground and wrote the words, "Build fortress here" using cheese blocks.

I’m not sure where we had our breakdown in communication, but the fortress now encompasses a stray domicile within the walls of the city. While it does look reasonably spectacular, it’s doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

I will also point out, that though it appears very clear on my design parchment, the final product omits the proper gating that allows one entry to the interior of the structure. As such, there is no ingress to the aforementioned shanty.

Unto itself, that is merely a trifle. We can negotiate such things and rectify as needed. However, it was revealed that a vendor, who had been napping after finding a renegade rum bottle that my workers had neglected, was now contained with the walls.

This too is a mere hiccup, as he is quite comfortable with the food stuffs we have been launching over the walls on a semi-regular basis, although the diet has been somewhat restrictive as we now realize that bowls of mutton simply don’t hold together under the strain of the return trip to the other side. However, bananas, tomatoes, carrots and the pumpkin are more than built for the task. This also negates the need for flammable materials to cook said food stuffs as we encountered some miscalculations with the launching of fire over the wall.

Additionally, the crew who erected the walls, have been recalled back to Kingsport and have summarily put to sea. A notice has been dispatched for another crew to facilitate relocating the fortress to the proper location, but as yet, the call has been unheeded.


Yes, I see that the walls are indeed aligned and do in fact come together at the appropriate place, but there was supposed to be a spectacular tower in each corner. I see you have the makings of something quite grand here, but it obviously lacks the proper follow through.


I clearly wrote, “gate” on the parchement. It was there the whole time. Four sets of walls with no gate is a ludicrous endeavor. Whoever felt this was proper needs to rethink their decision making paradigm. And perhaps put down the bottle of rum from time to time.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

One Response to My building of a fortress is not without minor setbacks

  • Blackstone says:

    I figured this was the doing of Halmar, Jr. I came across the rift to find out that I had been imprisoned in my own home! An utter travesty. I unequivocally deny any wrongdoing in the disappearance of the rum shipment set for delivery to Kingsport. Halmar and his inbred son can suck it.

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