While searching deep in the root cellar for a missing case of Obsidian Elemental Guano Stout with Flesh Flayer Bitters, I came across a curious tome written by a balmy chap by the name of Viktor. He ascribed to the idea of Galvanism, an "animation" process as he detailed it. It was a lengthy and complicated writ, but after leafing through the pages, I felt I had a firm enough grasp of the process to give it a go myself. Galvanism, as I understand it, is the process of using the forces of nature to put bubbles into ale. It was a radical notion, but I felt it a brilliant idea and since a batch is always in the tub in the Hollow, I felt I should try my own experiment.

As luck would have it, a storm begin to brew and with it, the much needed lightning from the skies. I discussed my plan and theory with Alley, and although slightly dubious of the idea of bubbles in ale, she agreed to assist. Using a series of well thought out design parchments, I’ve learned from the mistakes of my siege tower, I laid out the plans before Alley and explained what was needed.

Using the metal coil I had originally allocated to the creation of a fine piano, I connected the conductive wire from the mash tub in the tavern to the highest point of my house. All I needed to do next was focus the lightning into the metal wire and we would all be enjoying bubbles in our ale. I was impressed with the simplicity of my set up.

But Alley noticed a slight flaw in my otherwise brilliant plan. I did not have a proper mechanism with which to focus the lightning. To that end, she agreed to climb to the highest point of the house and use her agility to entice the lightning to enter the wire.

As the storm raged, Alley took to her perch and I stood to the side making prodigious calculations, taking into account wind speed, temperature, height of the house, length of the cable and many other factors Viktor had noted in his journal. He made note of choosing the proper brain, but I assumed that to merely be a smudge and he was giving warning to be careful in the rain. Sound advice.

And then it happened. There was a blinding flash and devastating crack of thunder. The concussion of the blast swept me off my feet like I was the Belle of the Ball. I was hurled through the air at a blinding speed and deposited on top of, and then through, the roof of the adjoining tavern, wherein I plunged headlong into the very vat of ale we were trying to animate.

Neither I, nor the tub, were built to withstand this level of impact and both our contents emptied onto the tavern floor. Seeing I was not at my post, Alley rushed to my aid, and although I escaped relatively unharmed, with only a slight ringing in my head and penchant for walking due North, the vat of ale was completely ruined. Further, not a bubble in sight. It was a disappointing night on many levels.

Sadly, I had to agree the experiment was an abject failure with my hair style suffering quite significantly. However, I am not downcast. I still believe there is validity to having bubbles in ale and if there is a way for the process to occur, I will find it.

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Ok alley, here’s the plan, and according to my designs and well thought out theory, the lightning will pass harmlessly right through you and into the chamber below. You might experience a slight tingle, but that is to be expected.

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This is going to spactacular! We will be known throughout the realm as the ones who put bubbles into ale! We will be beyond famous and move into the sphere of infamous…

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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