With my heart back where it’s supposed to be, it was time to open some sort of mystical portal, which meant a trip to the Ember altars. After my immediate recovery from the ritual, I was given vague directions on where I might find the ancient altars and even more vague instructions on what to do. The whole, "go to the city of giants" didn’t seem to be a well thought out plan.

I packed my bags, headed over to the City of Light, made a few choice purchases at the alchemist then set off in the direction I assume I was needed. But while strolling to my destination, stopping just long enough to pick herbs and harvest ore from the side of the road, I was confronted by a chap who seemed to be in great peril and fearing for his meager life. Not wanting to turn a blind eye to the plight of the citizenry, I stopped and inquired about the nature of the disturbance.

"Bears!" He shrieked at me in a tone that did him no credit. "Bears eating the porridge and ransacking the honeypots!"

I replied that I didn’t know bears had a penchant for porridge, but it was hard to get the full meaning as he was hopping in circles, flailing his arms, tripping over himself and gesturing in a manner that had me on the edge of drawing the axe.

It wasn’t so much the bears were eating the porridge, he claimed his was too hot to eat anyway, it was the fact they were dining inside his home and in the heat of panic and bowel weakening fear, he had leapt from the house, slammed the door and locked it only to realize he was on the outside and the bears were trapped within.

"I can certainly see your dilemma, how can I be of service?" I asked, now that I had a full grasp of the situation. "I’m quite sure all you need to do is open the door and your troubles will be nothing but a memory," I added.

"They’ll be mad! Furious even! They’ll tear me to pudding!" he bellowed with more of his wild arm waving that looked like a formidable form of combat.

"Bah!" I scoffed as I strode to the front door, opened it, and welcomed the bears back into nature where they belonged.

I’m unsure as to whether it was distasteful porridge, the fact they had been locked inside, or that the porridge was simply gone that made the bears so cross, but when the door opened, they flew at me with fury.

The Mama Bear seemed the most agitated over the situation and jumped upon my sternum with crushing ferocity. Corra came to my aid, throttling the bear with her staff, while Zannon set forth a barrage of arrows.

I was able to regain my footing and the porridge eating bear menace was quickly subdued. However, noticing their brethren had been so ill-treated, the honey eating bear menace soon joined the fray.

While this new faction was also curtailed, I regret to note that the honey pots, honey and bees where ever so slightly damaged when Corra, at my request, unleashed both Ground Quake and Immolation upon our foes. The honey pots toppled to the ground, wherein they caught alight. The bees contained within, rather confused over the jostling they had just suffered, came out to investigate, only to be scorched by the ensuing flame.

However, the bears no longer caused problems for the farmer, except his home would need airing out after their less than complimentary visit. I can tell by the tears he shed and the dance he struck into, that he was pleased with our results and I bid him a good day.

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Come now, all you have to do is open the door and let the bears roam free. What could be easier?

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Gadzooks! Why does he have so many of these beehives? He’s just asking for trouble!

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So, the story is, the bear problem was contained, but the honey pots were broken before we arrived on the scene

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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