In the downtime between dealing out justice to the thugs and squelching the nefarious plans of the Elven Mages, I like to head out into the woods with Mud Buddy and enjoy the scenery and tranquility.

On one such retreat, I found myself walking amongst the grassy fields of Greymark Forest. At first it seemed quite idyllic with wide footpaths to stroll and ponder the marvels of the realm, as well as gentle streams of cool water and playful fish. There were even shady knolls where a tent could be pitched and time spent in idle daydreaming.

But alas, as I settled myself for luncheon, the serenity of the forest was jolted by skirmishes breaking out between the arrow slinging Kobolds and the fireball hurling Mages. I’m not one to interfere in the disputes of others, and trying to make the best of the situation, I took my respite underneath a shady tree out of harms way. I had prepared a delightful picnic basket and resolved to let the lads sort out their problems.

However, my shady grove was overrun by a malcontent with designs of absconding with my picnic basket. A monstrosity of a bear came bounding over the rise. He was a massive brute with dagger sharp claws and was on me in an instant. The basket was upturned, spilling the contents over the grassy furrow.

I leapt to my feet and defended my troll ribs with great vigor. These were a tasty treat specially prepared by Alley and I was in no mood to share. The ground erupted with fire as I tried to scorch this thieving vagabond. This only increased his animosity and I found myself flat on my back, the wind knocked from me, the sky spinning in delirious circles. I lumbered to my feet only to be crushed under the weight of his pummeling paw.

My head took the brunt of the blow and sent me into a terrible spiral. Without my knowledge, he had called for reinforcements and there were now four bears, each one wanting to make off with my picnic basket. I used Mud Buddy as my compass and lunged for the one in the middle, as he seemed the most ferocious, and in charge. This turned out to be a rock and once again I was on the ground.

In my delirium I swung at everything and anything that moved. My hits were palpable although misguided. I was on a rampage until he delivered another crushing blow to my sternum.

A tree trunk broke my fall and Mud Buddy launched me back into the fray. I cast a fury of what I hoped were devastating spells and swung with every skill I had. With a final, brilliant flash of fire I fell into darkness. As far as I could tell, everyone and everything was on fire. That suited me quite well.

Mud Buddy stood over me until I fully regained consciousness. When the realm stopped spinning, I noted the fury of the bear was silenced. However, my troll ribs were trampled and laden with field grasses. My mug was upturned and devoid of it’s contents. My picnic was ruined, the air reeked of burnt hair, although luckily most of it wasn’t mine, and I rose to find both a Kobold and Mage stood staring at me as though I had interrupted something important.

I hurled the ruined rib bones and made my escape. I have since crossed Greymark Forest off my list of enjoyable picnic places.

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No I say, you stay over there and go about your bear business. This is my picnic basket and while I’m quite amenable to share, I didn’t bring enough for guests.

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Mud Buddy, what the Oracle happened?
I don’t feel so well.
And where did the wolves come from?
Maybe we should head back before something bad happens.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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