After visiting the Owl’s Head vendor to obtain more statuary recipes, because I have a brimming penchant for both columns and pedestals, I paid a call to the Public Vendor. I feel bad for all high priced, low quality junk the poor fellow is saddled with trying to pawn. But today was different. What to my wandering eye should appear? A handsome new sword laden with venom and spite that verily called to be ushered into the realm where it could lash out at evildoers for all their wicked ways.

Just as excitement shivered through my leggings, I was tingled even more as I noticed there wasn’t just one potential Sword of Smiting beckoning to me, it had an evil twin, a legendary Sword of the Stabby Stabby.

Normally I pass over such vendor trinkets, but here were real crafted items. These had been put to the forge by Lace Delamorte, a crafter of realm renown. Her work is of peerless quality and tempting price and I felt myself drawn to these swords like a pumpkin to a ruin.

But which sword would make me the more formidable adversary? Which biting attributes would strike the appropriate fear and despair into my opponent right before I cut them down and looted them for everything in their pockets? How was I supposed to make such a desperate decision?

Then the idea struck me. Why separate these confederates from each other? Why choose between darkness and light? There are certainly enough nefarious thugs lurking in the shadows and wandering the paths between towns to keep both swords engaged. With the wringing of my hands, I thusly dug deep into my coin purse and took possession of both fearsome weapons of mass destruction.

I decided to forego the usual precaution of safely wrapping my new arsenal as they would soon be pressed into service. However, this caused a dash of alarm amongst the local citizenry who gasped and cleared a path as I made my way to the exit. All except for those damnable chickens who have no respect for anyone! The temptation was overwhelming and had several guards not been looking on, I would have skewered the clucking lot of those feathered menace.

Fair warning bandit hooligans, I’m coming to the party and I’ve brought some frisky dancing partners!


More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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