In the early hours of the morn, there was a terrible ruckus at the town gate. Under the impression this was another delusion brought on by the Flesh Flayer Bitters, I did my best to ignore it. But it was persistent and soon I was off to discover the nature of this disturbance.

To my great surprise I was greeted by catapult fire and nearly took a flaming cauldron to the head. I immediately ran for shelter to survey the scene and get my bearings. A wayward Scout informed me that a siege had broken out and we had been swept up in the fracas.

Who the devil would want to lay siege to our town? What had we done? Is this some of retribution about that unpaid tavern bill or revenge for those pewter mugs that keep falling into my satchel? Either way, the situation seemed to have escalated violently before I could even come up with a plausible tale of deniability.

As this sort of miscreant behavior could lead to a broken crafting pavilion or smashed drinking establishment, I sallied forth to find who was in charge of this rabble and demand an explanation.

This was met with great resistance as I was soon beset with archers and thugs doing their best to cause me great personal injury. I put the thugs in their place then turned my attention to the archers. Those beguiling halfwits gave me yet another terrible arrow related knee injury, but I persevered and put an end to their villainy.

Storming up the hill to to quell the flaming cauldrons of oil that were surely going to hurt someone, I was pushed back by a multitude of siege engineers. They took great pride in their catapults and felt I was unqualified to handle one. They did me the indignity of tossing me down the hill and followed it with taunts and rude hand gestures.

I managed to exact revenge on one or two of the blighters, but they are a crafty lot and soon tossed me down the hill again. As I sat next to flaming wagon, I heard a commotion approaching. Taking shelter, I realized it was Oba and Alley. It appears they had been roused by the interminable noise and had come to investigate as well.

Sizing up the scene, they rushed up the hill to take umbrage with the siege engineers for their reckless behavior. Realizing the tide had dramatically shifting in our favor, I quickly followed suit.

I summited the hill to see that negotiations had broken down and the siege engineers were now talking to the business end of Alley’s sword, while they bathed in the cleansing power of Oba’s Ring of Fire. I joined the fray as best I could and soon took great satisfaction in looting their pockets and tossing them down the hill as they had done to me.

But this revealed a new menace. In the distance, a darkly cloaked figure loomed. I considered the situation as bleak, but Oba and Alley raced down into the valley. Alley lashed out without the need to discuss terms. Oba the nemesis in a wall of fire.

Realizing the tactics, I scurried down to join and did my best to stab this intruder right in the back side. He proved quite wily and agile, but try as he might, he wasn’t able to hide from fire and in the confusion backed himself into a corner. That’s when Alley and I laid into him.

It was only a matter of time before he was cut to ribbons. In all the tumult, he left behind his robe, which I have now taken possession of. It took a few dunks in the Devotional waters to remove the detritus and aroma, but it’s now quite a fashionable piece. Hopefully we’ll have no more of these shenanigans, at least, not at such an early hour.


Now see here, a siege engine is no sort of plaything. This sort of behavior is going to lead to an accident.


Looks like the tide has shifted! No point in running now!


You’re not the only one who can play with fire my friend!


Haha! You’ve committed one of the classic blunders!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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