It was a hot and sultry night and I had that familiar hunger bordering on that of a yearning. I felt a great need for some tail, but alas, I was alone, shrouded in the darkness of my room. Nearly overwhelmed with the desire, I dressed and stepped outside to see who might be available to help me in my hour of need. Blake is certainly a man who knows a thing or two about obtaining some tail, but his lights were off and no one was home. The rapscallion was most likely off on his own tail adventure and had neglected to invite me along.

It had been quite some time since I’ve tasted the succulent flesh and the hunger was real. As I counted my coins and pondered where I could satiate my desires, it struck me. The lawless desert holds many treasures and would make an excellent hunting ground. It would be risky, even a dash dangerous, but I knew this is where the trail would lead me. I loaded up supplies and set off.

As soon as I entered, I knew I was in the right place. I could see the object of my desires walking along the silky golden sand, their bodies gleaming in the sun. I spied an amiable group congregating together and approached with caution, ready to engage in business should the situation warrant.

But almost immediately, the situation turned ugly. As soon as they saw me, I was swarmed. In turn, each leapt upon me, wrestling me to the ground tearing at my armor with reckless abandon. I mounted a campaign to regain the upper hand, but was overpowered repeatedly. More than once I was flat on my back, exposed to their advances. The threesome had their way with me, a burning sensation coursing through my body.

Amidst the shrieks and confusion, I managed to throw myself down the embankment, a technique I have practiced at great length. To wit, I unsheathed my hearty weapon and held it at the ready with both hands, awaiting their next foray.

“The tail is mine!” I declared and lunged at the first Corpion that came in for more. Separated from his comrades, he was no match for my plunges and I crushed through his protective shell to render him immobile. I turned on the other two, skewering one as nature intended while toying and teasing with the second until he attempted an escape by skulking away. He wouldn’t get off so easily. I came for Corpion tail, and I wasn’t going to stop until I got some. And a lot of it! I was going to dine on tail until I collapsed from exhaustion.

With this first trio handled, my sword was ready and I wasn’t yet willing to put it away. I roamed the countryside looking to add more to my quarry. They were in great supply, each putting up a struggle, but ultimately succumbing to my will.

When I was satiated, I returned home to prepare my catch. I am an expert meat handler and I follow a strict set of rules, a ritual if you will, for the correct preparation of my meat.

It may be bravado, perhaps bragging, but as each piece hits the table, I feel compelled to measure the length and girth of it. I may not have the biggest in the Hollow, but I will challenge any who say I have the smallest.

Next, I take great care to stroke and tenderly rub each piece with lemon and a secret blend of seasonings. I work across the full length of it, from tip to base, working until there is a high sheen and I feel satisfied that it’s ready.

Finally, I turn up the heat until the juices come to dripping. When the timing is right, the meat will swell and be at it’s peak bringing forth a flavor explosion in your mouth. It will be so good, you’ll want to cry out in sheer joy. It might even bring a tear to your eye.

Once each piece is grilled to perfection it’s time to sit down to a feast of tail that I’m sure would make many blush. With the amount I’ve procured, I even have enough to store and keep me fortified the next time I stray from home in search of treasure and zombie flesh.

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Oh yes, there you are my little darling. You have exactly what I need.

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I can hardly contain my excitement! Just you wait till I get you home!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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