After a resource gathering expedition in the Serpent Spine Foothills, that saw many a thug and bandit regret my approach, I received a missive from Alley Oop. She was hard at work in Greymark Forest gathering resources of own. Thinking she might be working on the trappings of a treehouse, I was anxious to join and see how I could be of assistance.

While she was indeed wood gathering, she had something special and a dash more dangerous in mind. Always ready to make use of my lumbersmithing skills, I made ready the Axe of Prosperity.

“Oh nay nay,” Alley said as I selected a maple tree. “This is a different kind of tree altogether,” she continued as she drew her blade.

“What manner of tree chopping is this?” I questioned as she leapt at the trunk and laid into it with a savage barrage of volleys.

As the bark and sap flew, I stood aghast at what transpired next. The tree literally leapt to life to defend itself. To my astonishment, the limbs swung violently and Alley was concealed within in whirlwind of leaves.

Going through my extensive knowledge of alchemy, I drew up the well understood fact that fire is the natural enemy of wood. To that end, I brought forth the power of Immolation, threw myself at the trunk of the beast and held on.

The Reaper realized the fiery nature of my designs and as a countermove used Root against me, pinned me to the ground and dealt a series of incapacitating blows.

Little did the Reaper understand that Immolation is all consuming whether I’m conscious or not. Using my distractionary technique to her full advantage, Alley obliterated the Reaper, splintering it into multiple pieces.

When I came to myself, the trunk was a shattered husk and it’s fiendish nature was revealed. To my horror, the Reaper wasn’t merely thrashing me to a pulp, it was tenderizing my person to make a meal of me. The gnashing teeth were now lifeless, but the danger was all too real.

As I poked at the beast with it’s broken limb, to ease my conscience it was indeed deceased, Alley made ready her blade and harvested some quality parts.

From there, it was time to relieve the Elven Archers of their pesky bows that seem to endlessly stab me in the back.

I know what you tried to do and I’ll have none of it! Alley will whittle you down to nothing and I’ll pick my teeth your remains! And then firewood for the rest of you!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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