News of my proficiency at problem solving, songbook liberation, resource gathering and quelling of the undead at the Solace Bridge camp reached those in charge at the Blood River Outskirts. As such, an Elven Commander asked if I could use my chameleon like powers of blending in and skill with the blade to help stave off a plot to drive them out of their makeshift camp. Not to mention the undead popping out from behind trees and under rocks.

I met with Alberic, head man of the Elf compound, who informed me that a rabble-rouser was forming a cadre of vigilantes who were stealing food, upsetting caravans and destroying property all in the name of blaming it on the Elven refugees. He humbly asked if I could get close to this purveyor of misdeeds and gather evidence of his crimes.

I readily agreed. “Fear not Al! If I may call you Al? I am a master of disguise and will blend in amongst them like an ale swilling hooligan!”

The Elves are a fine race of people with an equally fine sense of craftsmanship and a keen eye for fashion. I especially like their flowing robes and hope that if my commission goes well, one of their tailors might be willing to outfit me with a set of my own.

The first order of business was to find the camp. This proved far easier than I suspected as they had a tour guide to point the way. Gaining admittance was also an easy task as I presented myself as a human who was handy with the blade and could get things done. Plus, I had my own cloak and mask.

This quickly lead to an audience with Phineas, a rather exuberant chap, who gesticulated wildly as he asked if I wanted to join his cause. I could immediately tell from his style of dress and walking with a big hammer that he was a miscreant and author of ill-tidings.

But to gain his confidence, I readily agreed to join his band of vigilantes and he quickly set me a series of tasks to prove my worth. I easily accomplished these, including risking my life to kill the queen spider and extract her venom sacks for some big caper Phineas had in the works.

It was grim and dirty work, but while out of sight, I managed to sneak away to apprise Alberic of my progress. With the flow of news coming in, he suggested I see the guards at the Aerie camp on the outskirts of town. With evidence of this terrible behavior, they might be able to bring Phineas to justice. I did as he urged and found myself with a warrant of arrest for Phineas.

When I returned to camp, Phineas had a surprise for me. Not only was I accepted into his inner circle of hooligans, but I was given the honor of slipping his newly crafted poison into the food supply of the Elven camp. I said it would be my privilege to bring about uncontrolled vomiting and explosive jaunts to the privy.

I took my leave of the camp, but not before I let loose the poison on the vigilante food supply. I then circled back and handed Phineas the arrest warrant, which called for his immediate withdraw from the area and a seizure of his financial assets. When he started his wild gesticulations and offered a threat from his hammer, I returned order with a stern slap across the face with his manifesto of lies.

As Phineas picked himself up, I bid him a good night and encouraged him to try the venison. Just as I reached the edge of the camp, I heard the distinct and clarion call of a chap losing his lunch. I took a moment to check on the situation and noted the vomitus poison was in full swing.

With a hearty chuckle, I returned to the Elven camp to let them know of the good news. Phineas would soon be moving on, and his book of lies was in the hands of the authorities. To celebrate these felicitous tidings, we broke open a bottle of their most excellent Elven wine and partook of the roast beast.

A fine day’s work all round, and I’m well on my way to getting a fitting for my fabulous robe.


I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’re Phineas. You clearly have the look of a man who has fallen afoul of the constabulary.


Oh dear me. It looks like you are suffering at the hands of food poisoning. This is terrible to see. I wonder how such a thing could have happened?


Gadzooks man! Exactly how much have you eaten?


Well, now that we have dished out some justice to those vigilantes, how about a sample of that Elven wine? I just happen to have a bottle I retrieved off one of the filthy beggars.



More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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