After raiding the pirate bungalows, scrawling down their haphazard maps, stealing a couple of journals and making plans to crash the Hog Roast soirée, I made my way to the first location.

Climbing to the crow’s nest to retrieve that ridiculous key nearly broke my neck, but pulling the key out of the backside of that poor sap on the beach proved much easier. The undead that comb the beach tried to break my neck in other ways, but Flaming Sword coupled with Whirling Blades and topped with Stone Fist, shattered their plans and ribcages. And yielded a few coins.

At least Jen followed the rules and left her key on the nightstand. Considering her infection and dubious relationship with the grog, putting it anywhere else and she may never find it again herself.

With three keys in hand, I divined I would need to locate three chests. Following the clues, I scaled the mountain side and skirted the Elven encampment. I was unaware that Elves were developing skills in piracy. It seems there is no limit to the dealings they will undertake.

Using the big head, for which the island is actually named, I headed southwest, picked off a few boars for their tasty meat and hides I will make rugs from later and found a sandbar nestled amongst a crop of trees.

I brought in to play my powers at triangulation and soon found what appeared to be the right spot and unearthed a treasure chest. A grim discovery awaited as it was the resting place of some unsavory body parts. These pirates have no shame in what they will bury.

From there, I made my way to the northwest, keeping those unruly Elves in sight, but not getting too close. My skills at stealth and blending into my surroundings like the chameleon were in full play and they were none the wiser to my movements.

On a small outcropping, I took my bearings, pulled out my diving rods, checked the wind speed, determined the angle of the sun, and began probing the soil listening for the sound of striking wood.

After dozens of false leads and needless exertion, I found my mark and unearthed another chest with coins and body parts.

I was making exceptional progress with one more item to uncover. My final destination was back toward the entrance where I entered town. I knew there was something suspicious about the boat with the red sail.

Curving around the rock formations, I kept my eyes fixed on the sand looking for a peculiar disturbance. When I didn’t find one, I knew I was in the right place, and started to dig furiously.

Like a macabre jigsaw puzzle, I was ready to assemble Captain Kennet and receive my reward. He should be quite pleased to be back in one piece. Or at least in less pieces than when he started.

I admit, I am no healer, so it took several attempts to put Captain Kennet together again. The head was easy, but the rest was a jumbled mess and without some sort of template or schematic to guide me, I was having a hard go of it.

When he materialized as a ghostly apparition, I tried to apologize for those first few clumsy attempts, but he would have none of it. His ire could not be contained and he lashed out in a most uncomplimentary fashion.

I had no choice but to defend myself and as they say, a wall of fire is the best defense. We danced a deadly tango on the beach under the full moon. Despite being a vaporous form, Captain Kennet dealt some savage blows. But not to be outdone, I weaved a web of confusion and mayhem of my own, striking with a vast assortment of skills including a chilling death punch.

When the terrible deed was done, and I stood the victor, something strange and troubling happened. From the depths of the sand, two mystical chests rose up to greet me.

“A wicked and vicious trap! I’m not falling for it!” I yelled to the residue of the Captain’s form ignoring the chests with impunity. But the lure of treasure got the better of me, so I carefully placed my looted key in the lock, then sprang back, ready for battle. At the first sign of a chest mimic, I would burn it’s hideous form to ashes!

But instead of death and retribution, I found gold, trinkets and a supply bundle. I swept everything in to my pockets before it disappeared back in to the sand.

Due to his insensitive treatment of me, and lack of gratitude for putting him back together as best I could, my first inclination was to give Kennet a rousing thrashing, shaking his bleached bones to their core and kicking them into the sea out of spite. But I took mercy upon him and left him as he was, staring out over the sea, watching the waves slowly roll in. I did leave a little inducement for the flying gulls to pay him a visit from time to time. I felt that evened the score between us.

I then took my leave, stealing away under the glow of the moon with the intent of spending Kennet’s ill gotten gains on some ill gotten ale.


Curse you wicked vaporous form! Back to the depths from whenst you came!


Oh I say, what have we here? And I am to believe that these chests that just materialized out of nowhere are not cursed or will somehow spring to life and devour me? I don’t believe it!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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