PeteWi the Disoriented


We made it Windy! Now if you will permit, I shall announce our presence with authority.

“Hello Cultist Chaps! It is I, PeteWi The Disoriented, and I have come to join your merry band. I have come fully prepared to pledge my allegiance to you in a variety of ways. Shall we start with some sort of blood oath? Or perhaps you are a blood sacrifice sort of organization? Perhaps I can be inducted in by the rites of a fine ritual? I know many myself if you find yourself lacking. I am fully versed in the ‘Ceremony of the Insane Knight’ as well as the ‘Inverted Summoning of the Tombstones of Foulness’. That is quite a good one with rather a saucy finale. Or if you will allow me to prepare for just a few minutes beforehand, there is the ever popular, ‘Primal Ritual of the Enraged Demon of Mazes’. We will of course need a yoke, a plow, and a bushel of bananas to really do that one justice.”


I wasn’t sure what you chaps were in the mood for, so I went ahead and got started on the blood sacrifice. I’m not sure how many need to be sacrificed, so I’ll just keep going until someone yells out an authoritative “When!”


Do not be discouraged my dear Windy. They can’t have gone too far. Possibly holding some sort of recruitment ceremony in one of the nearby ruins and didn’t know to expect us. Fear not, I am willing to wait all night for their return.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia


… And then we sweep in from the left, arrows blazing, seize control of the wagon then make a daring yet glorious getaway.

Windy, I see by that frown upon your vaporous brow, you are at odds with pilfering a supply wagon. Normally I would agree. Taking possession of a wagon through such cowardice would be poor form, however, we would actually be doing a good deed by such actions. Allow me to explain.

Until evidence to the contrary comes to light, these barbarians absconded with this supply wagon in the first place. That’s why they’re called barbarians and not merchants. Because of this, if we pilfer the pilfered wagon, our looting transversely creates an inverse relationship to the original act of pilfering and thereby enacts a double negative to that original act of pilfering which nullifies said second despicable act of pilfering, conversely turning this into a rescue mission and actually rights a wrong putting us on the right side of right once again, allowing us to cuddle on the virtuous side of the Oracle. Huzzah!          

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia


You can be the captain
And I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia


Huzzah! Lumberjack camp! Now we’re really going to learn how to saw some logs and work the wood!


Remind me to leave a less than complimentary review of the turn down service.


Well, it’s not much of a bar. But not much of a bar is better than no bar at all!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia


Windy! A treehouse! This is absolutely fantastic! I’ve always wanted one of these! We can sleep under the stars, have late night snacks and tell ghost stories. As long as you don’t make them too scary. You know how I get.


What are you, some kind of barbarian? This treehouse has already been claimed! Get your own! I was going to offer you the tent, but no, you had to shoot me in the backside.


Oh, this will never do! I specifically put up a sign that says, “No blood thirsty wolves allowed!”

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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