On my many visits to Ardoris, I have been taken by the displays of affection within the city of love. However, after a recent visit to make some armor repairs, I was struck by some residents that did not share the peace and love of their brethren, at least not when it comes to Outlanders.

As I lounged at a very stylish pagoda enjoying a mutton sandwich, I noticed a fine bungalow across the river with a tempting bamboo garden. After tidying up my mess and washing my hands in the refreshing river, I used the available ferry to make my way across.

It was indeed lovely with a small pagoda home, a lovely and tranquil bamboo garden, a tidy yard and some casks of ale ready to be rolled inside as needed. But not everything was harmony in this home as I noted the sign hanging over the entryway. It was emblazoned with a skull and the word, "Go Away" printed on it. Then there was another sign that stated there was no trespassing for Outlanders.

I felt the fellow had the wrong impression and knocked gently on the door to explain that not all Outlanders are causing problems, it’s just the riffraff in Owl’s Head that give the rest of us a bad name.

Getting no reply, I quietly slid open the door to announce my presence. As I looked around the tasteful decorations looking for an occupant, I spied a rather disconcerting note. It was titled, "Anti-Outlander Propaganda" and detailed how the citizenry needed to prepare themselves against the Outlander menace. It detailed taking up arms and driving us out of town. This was quite serious.

I decided to take my leave before I was discovered and merely confirmed their dark suspicions. But as I prepared to return in the boat, an angry resident appeared and began to blurt out all manner of terrible expletives at me. I tried to demonstrate my virtuous nature by complementing both his home and garden. My attempts to disarm him with protests of innocence went unheeded. He would hear none of it and to my shock and dismay began brandishing a dagger at me.

Spilling blood in the city of love struck me as woefully wrong, but a terrible tussle ensued. Although this fellow might be valiant with the quill, his skill with the dagger was nearly non-existent. I had no choice but to take his dagger away before someone got hurt. When he protested and loudly demanded it’s return before things turned ugly, I complied. I returned the dagger by placing it in the side of his gullet.

He had given me no choice in the outcome, and now there was no choice but to discreetly place him in the bamboo grove and quietly move along. This just proves how dangerous propaganda can be.


What a lovely and tranquil little setting.
Oh dear, someone has some strong opinions about Outlanders.


Come now, there is no need for this sort of talk, or rather signage


Now see here. That is a terrible thing to say and believe in the city of love. How about we chat about things and you’ll see not all Outlanders are bad


I say, nice little abode they have here. That’s good thinking having the wine cask right next to the bed.
Say now, what is this note all about?


Come now chaps, let’s be reasonable. It goes against all the principles of the city to spout such violence and hostility. And that rusty dagger you’re brandishing about will not only cause me great pain, but will most likely give me a terrible case of the blood poisoning. Put that down before someone gets hurt.


Oh, your horrible scoundrel! You’ve stabbed me right in the back! This is a brand new Aeronaut suit! There will be retribution for this!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

While strolling the streets of Ardoris, I came across a poor and desperate soul, who seemed quite down on his luck. His clothes were a shambles and he mumbled gibberish due to lack of a hot meal and ale. I felt he was in need shelter for the night, and offered coins for his lodgings. But he insisted he not take charity and instead performed a small bit of pageantry for my amusement. I knew this chap had become separated from the carnival.

He chose interpretive dance with a hint of fire juggling. I dare say he was quite good, though he nearly incinerated the both of us. Whisking the fire between his legs was quite a flourish, but, as I am so familiar, his pants were his downfall.

The voluminous material was the improper choice for his finale, and with an errant flick of the wrist, disaster struck. There was no permanent injury and I felt it best to hand over the coins before castaway flames made their way into the alchemy shop and caused a catastrophe with the exploding potions.


Very well my good man. Proceed with your juggling stylings. I am all attention.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

For the past few weeks, I have been working on and building up my skills. While not gifted in Blades, Air and Fire, like Alley and Oba, I have put together a small barrage of tactics that might afford the opportunity to keep me out of harm’s way.

With that in mind, I felt mildly confident that I can set out into the world and help the citizenry of the realm with their troubles. To see how I fair, I mingled with the great unwashed of Soltown and put things to right as best I could. I’m not sure what Geof is going to do with that blade other than spike himself in an undesirable place, but it’s not for me to question. He wanted an iron blade and was willing to pay for it, so off I went. I also decided to rescue a child and bring back some trinkets belonging to a grieving widow. I even smited some zombies while I was out and about town.

That being settled, I checked in with Stanley who asked me to courier a letter over to Captain Cugel in Ardoris. Hmm, that’s tricky business with control points that must be negotiated. I had on my fighting pants so I figured it was worth a try.

I met little resistance in my travels and made it to Ardoris and Cugel in short order. I stopped several times along the way for ale and snacks, not to mention the removal of pesky rocks that always seem to find a way into my boots. A skeleton tried to interrupt my lunch, but was dispatched by my Air Elemental. She breaks wind with the best of them!

After meeting with Cugel and watching him file my hand delivered report in the rubbish, I was encouraged to speak with Lord Siranto and Lady Khasi. Now I’m all for helping a damsel in distress, especially when there is the exchange of coinage, but marriage counseling just isn’t my métier. This is sticky business and I may not be the best tactician for the job.

But Cugel was persistent, so off I went. It went as well as expected with Khasi blaming Siranto, Siranto blaming Khasi and me looking for a pub that served fish and chips. I left with an earful, pinched a lovely pewter goblet that might come in handy later and met with Min Liang Tan who said we should rendezvous in the Tower of the Shuttered Eye. Can’t we discuss matters at the pub? It’s perfectly safe over there. I hear they have a bard, with something called Dubstep Lute. It sounds pretty neat.

Min, would have none of it and I met up with him in the tower. Of course, I had to slash my way through the zombies and undead that line the stinky pathways of the swamp. And when I met up with Min, our assignation ended like so many do when I’m involved, with the undead sweeping in to break up the fun and the walls, floor and ceiling on fire. It was a cacophony of chaos and I was lucky to survive. Min was yelling all manner of crazy gibberish, but with all the noise and smoke inhalation, his words meant nothing to me.

Amidst the fire and burning undead, I took the opportunity to sneak to the top. I was rewarded with a duel by an angry mage. Turns out he was protecting some ore, which I summarily took. I figured with a tower this big and ominous, something worthwhile had to be at the top. It’s certainly not for the view.

With few options available, I went back to Khasi and Siranto who bid me to work with a spirit-talker. That gave me pause as they work with the undead. Very little good comes from conversations with the undead. And so it was that I ended up going to the Necropolis to gain and audience with Nyx and Thanatos. They are of few words, but I got the gist that some sort of power struggle is in play. Some naysayer by the name of Anapa is causing a stir and Thanatos wanted me to visit the decayed and haunted ruins of Midras. Ruin? Haunted? Undead? Does everyone need to meet in a dilapidated crypt rather discussing matters over mutton and ale?

And if I recall my history correctly, some less than savory deeds took place in Midras. There were some Obsidian shenanigans taking place over there. I’m not entirely sure that’s the best place for someone of my skill set to end up.

It seems treachery abounds in the world of the undead and I set off, back through the control point and over to Midras. I hesitate to enter due to the combative nature of the town. I believe I will need to rest, reconnoiter and then steal inside under the cover of darkness. I’m not fully versed in my final destination, but the spirit-talker and I will endeavor to locate Anapa, or a minion, smooth some ill feelings and perhaps do some negotiating. If that fails, the sword is coming out and so is the ring of fire.



So, this is the Necropolis. Looks pretty dangerous. You sure you don’t want to go first?


Those mushrooms… they hypnotize me…


Good heavens, what the devil is that?


Good evening! Thanatos, thanks for taking the time out from whatever you do down here to meet me. This is a pretty nice chamber of horrors you’ve got going on down here. You’re not going to steal my soul are you?


Ok, you get full marks for being both ominous and scary. Any chance I could borrow that axe of yours? I think I could settle a few scores with that.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

Out upon a midnight clearly, while I pondered with steak and kidney,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I plodded, nearly sodden, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently skipping, skipping down the streets of Ardoris

I stood agaze, bemused and betwixt, unable to comprehend the sight before mine eyes. But there it was, larger than life and dare I say brighter than the sun. The form was both familiar and foreign. I believe  I saw the figure of one who has taken up arms against many a foe and made them regret their foolhardy decision to engage in a duel. But alas, this new armor has me at a disadvantage. While I agree it would strike the appropriate level of distraction and confusion in thine enemies, I disagree that it affords the needed protection, at least not the proper protection against the slings of arrows of outrageous ranged attack.

It is nary an outfit I would recommend, and neither is the occupant one I would engage in direct combat, for as I see it, there is no winner in such a contest. And should the competition resort to melee in the dirt, innocence could be lost. 

I fear I lack the appropriate words to describe the scene upon my countenance.


What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a PvP Player all decked in high heels


Don’t look away my good man, you know it’s hypnotic!
When do we throw some coins? I’m not sure of the order of things.


Roxanne!! You don’t have to put on the red light!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

While strolling along the boulevard in Ardoris, I engaged in some idle conversation with a teacher and his students. As we chatted it became clear they were looking for more than idle banter. Three of the students were looking for some texts that had gone missing. In their study of the virtues, these books would help them gain understanding and perhaps enlightenment. They knew not where these texts were, merely the titles. But there was more to the story. One of their ranks had taken a turn for the worst and had strayed from the virtues. It appears she had taken a darker path and might also be looking for the same books, but her ultimate purpose could be far less constructive.

After listening to the tale, I came to the conclusion that I was supposed to find 12 books, whose titles I had, but their location could be quite literally be anywhere in the realm. There was no mention of a reward, but I’m not in it for the money or the glory. I accepted their challenge and as time permitted, I would try to locate these tomes. If they could do better, they were certainly welcome to wander aimlessly and take up the search themselves.

I’m my previous travels, I mentioned finding such a book in the hands of that scallywag Anton. No bandit has need of such things, so I secreted it away after paying my call on him. But this put me in a bit of a dilemma. While these books discuss the virtues, I was in the process of stealing them. This struck me as a wee bit of a contradiction. I’m not sure how it’s going to look on the checklist to reach my avatarness if I’m pinching books to help students better their knowledge. Hopefully the Oracle and I can come to some sort of agreement in regard to this business.

Through my myriad of travels I was able to locate the books in question. Oh they were indeed in some odd and unusual places. One lay in the dirt outside a most ominous tower. One lay deep within the tunnels of a gem mine. Another lay on Enmar’s desk. I felt bad about that one. I distracted him with talk of Ectoplasm while the book in question fell into my satchel. It’s a risky proposition to steal a book right off the desk of the head jailor in these parts and with the Clink clearly visible outside his window.

While out on an excursion, I crossed paths with the mysterious fourth student, a rather strange lass with some nefarious leanings. She too is looking for these same books, but her desire is to set them ablaze and show that Chaos is the true path. As she ranted, cackling loudly, her arms flailing in wild gesticulation, she mentioned there would be a reward if I brought the books to her rather than back to the students. Hmm, so she has an interest in the same books, but wants to burn them in some cleansing fire. I’m not too sure about that. Liberating books is one thing, burning them is another matter entirely.

Then a plan struck me. I bid her a good evening and continued on my journey.

Over the next few days through diligent searching and a bit of help from other adventurers, I managed to locate all the books. I then threw my plan into action.

By the light of the candle and with the help of my printing press, I meticulously copied each book and created an exact duplicate. I would give the real books to the students since I believed in their goals, but would give the copies to the crazy woman in the forest since I’m not above swindling her out of a reward. Plus it would give her a warm feeling to know she was doing evil even though she wasn’t actually hurting anyone. I’m all about making people happy.

My plan was a success. I visited each of the students to return their books and received a small token of appreciation for the effort. When I talked to the teacher himself, he combined all these into a small Statue of Virtue that I could proudly display. “Well thank you kindly, this will look lovely in my home.”

I then set off to visit the book burning harpy of the woods. I handed over my copies of the books and with great relish and glee she tossed them into the fire. I have to admit, I felt a bit awkward about this. Not over the burning of the books, they were mere copies, but the fact she took such enjoyment in the exercise and the hysterical dancing was a bit over the top in my opinion. “Yes, well, glad I could help.”

When she calmed down, she too handed over a reward for my effort. To my surprise, it was another statue, but a Statue of Chaos that would show I was part of her Brotherhood. I took the statue, mostly because I didn’t want her to put some sort of hex on me or beat me with the thing, but she was making a reach by saying we were part of the same Brotherhood. On no, my dear Haggis, you walk this path alone! And if you want to get some sort of following, you need to dial back the crazy. I’m always open to a little Chaos in the morning, but you make it creepy and unsettling.

I could still hear her wild laughter on the wind as I slipped through the exit. She was taking far too much enjoyment in thwarting the students.

With that, I went back home and set both statues on the lawn to let everyone know I was a follower of multiple paths in life. I usually get lost on those paths, but I’m still willing to give them a go.

We’ll still have to work all this out with the Oracle. There was some stealing, a bit of deception, a few lies, some counterfeiting, and some book burning. Not sure how this is all going to balance out.


Oh yes, that’s quite lovely. A student of Chaos and a student of Virtue. You can’t ask for more than that. Still, that Chaos student was a touch on the creepy side. Hopefully she doesn’t have other nefarious schemes in mind. Book burning can be a slippery slope. But I got housing decorations out of the deal, so it’s all good!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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