There must be something to all this sewer spelunking Alley Oop has been doing lately because when Blake Blackstone and I caught up with her, she was amidst a large group of adventurers who shared her passion for exploring the lower realms of the city. And I have to admit, there was a lot more waiting for us down there than I would have imagined.

It started off like you would expect – the slimy floor, the dirty “water”, the horrible smell, the floating Solania “trout”, but as we worked our way through the twisty tunnels, things started to get a little strange. Not that meeting up in the sewers underneath the city wasn’t strange unto itself, but there was more. The Ebon Cultists have begun to set up shop in other parts of the Soltown sewers and now the Elves have taken up residence in the sewers of Solania.

We discovered one of their lairs wherein they had set up a battle encampment. Oh my, what are they training for? Should we prepare for an impending attack? Many of the soldiers were lingering around, but we caught them off guard. And once the jig was up, the dirty scoundrels came out of every cranny and nook! We were outnumbered for only moments, but it seems the skeletons are in league with the Elves and felt it necessary to join in the fracas!

The small catacomb was alive with battle. Fireballs flew, swords clashed, bows were drawn. I could barely keep track of Alley and Blake. I knew they were in the thick of battle, but they were lost to me in all the chaos. But it wasn’t long before the tomb like chamber fell silent again and we surveyed the area.

While no one has been looking, they’ve managed to set up their tents complete with training dummies and areas for laying out battle plans. This caused me a great deal of concern. These no good devils are up to something and if we’ve found one nest, there surely must be others!

From what I can tell, they’ve managed a way to connect these underground tunnels and are secretly traveling between cities, probably stockpiling weapons. This is no good. It seems Alley was onto something the whole time.

All seemed quiet in the sewers for the time being so Alley, Blake and I made our way over to the West Veiled Swamp. I had heard rumors about a ruined city so I wanted to investigate. Turns out the rumors are true and we found ourselves among some old structures. But that’s not all. The land has reclaimed the city and many deadly creatures were stirring around.

As we studied the remains, pondering it’s fate, something slithered in the growth. I assumed it was a rabbit or perhaps a wolf trying to sneak up on us. But as Blake separated the swamp reeds and peered in, we discovered this swamp is teaming with crocodiles! The massive beast bolted out of the water and tried to take Blake’s hand! He barely managed to pull away in time and thus saved the indignity and embarrassment of having to get a wooden hand made. That would surely affect his chess playing ability.

But the near miss was enough to infuriate Blake and in an instant he and Alley were bashing the fiend senseless! All the trashing and noise must have alerted the others because more were coming at us. They were trying to be tricky by staying under water, but we could see their beady lifeless eyes and my fire arrows were able to penetrate the water and turn them into a flaming buoy. Blake and Alley would then pounce and dispatch the creature.

The crocodiles weren’t the only danger, of course the skeletons like to hang out in places like this and so do huge spiders. Those damnable skeletons like to lie in wait and pretend they’ve already been slain and when you get too close, they pop up and start swinging. On no you don’t Mr. Bag of Bones! That trick may work with the new adventurers, but you won’t get away with that on me! Death Touch to the face!!!

So what are these ruins? What happened here? It looks like we have the remains of a religious building and perhaps some statues to their leaders? This may have been a thriving community at one point, but it won’t be around for much longer. The buildings are toppling over and sadly, the grave markers are sinking away into the soggy earth. If we don’t find some information about these people we may lose who they are forever.

Before we left for the night, I managed to collect some fine hides from the crocodiles and plan to make myself some very festive boots. I fancy they will look quite sharp and if I have enough hides to make another set, I bet they capture a handsome price.



Egad!! There’s a horrible, lifeless figure coming right at us! Oh wait, that’s Blake’s shadow. Got a bit edgy. All is well.


And what do we have here? Pitching your tent in the Solania sewers eh! This can only mean one thing! I’m not quite what that one thing is just yet, but when I find out there will be hell to pay!


Take that you dirty Elven Mage! You and your nefarious battles plans have been thwarted! And One Zero’s dog is going to use your balls as a play thing!! What do you think of that?! Well, you can’t think, because you’re dead. So nevermind.


We take a moment to savor our victory for putting a kink in their scandalous plot. We also discuss who’s going to carry the rug back to town.


Oh my, some sort of religious building


Crikey! She’s a beauty!


Blake takes a moment to pose with his crocodile prize. Pair of boots coming up my good man!


That’s right you overgrown lizards! You picked the wrong guy to mess with! It all comes down to you being turned into a pair of slippers! Maybe a nice coin purse with the leftovers.


I wonder who this fellow is? This is a quality item and the level of detail is quite striking.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

I can’t say that crawling around in the sewers of a major city is my favorite thing to do, but they do contain secrets so someone needs to go check them out right? And you know who’s become quite proficient at navigating down there? Damn right, it’s Alley Oop. I’m not quite sure what we’re searching for, perhaps some mystical relic or powerful trinket that someone flushed down there on accident. Previously we ended up in the sewers of Owl’s Head on a quest for armor. It didn’t quite turn out the way we wanted, so the quest continues.

This time we were off to the sewers of Ardoris. I wasn’t aware Ardoris had it’s own sewer system, but I suppose it all has to drain somewhere right? We found the entrance toward the back of the city center, not far from the Moon Tower. With a heave and a shove, the door swung open and down we went.

Good heavens! The smell! Good people of Ardoris, check your diet!

Things started off like any other sewer raid. We sloshed through the murky water and held our breath as we pushed through some of the heavier “fog”. And low and behold what should we find? It seems a branch of the Ebon Cultists is setting up operations down here. They’re building up supplies and stockpiling goods. But I think they might be a touch misguided in their efforts because what the hell is a fishing boat and all this netting doing down here? How do you maroon a boat in a sewer?

You power hungry chaps aren’t seriously fishing down here are you? I assure you my good man, that is not a trout! At any rate, I shall refrain from trying any of the seafood this fine city has to offer.

Alley and I aren’t the only ones who’ve come down here to investigate. There are plenty of remains of wayward souls that either never found there way out or were brought down here for some rather nefarious deeds. I certainly hope no one tried to flush this stuff down here!

We did find multiple Cultist members and each one had to be dealt with sternly. Don’t come sneaking up on me when I’m walking around in a nasty place like this. I’m going to shoot first and ask questions later. We also found they’re diligently working away down here, but to what end I’m not sure. They have their crafting stations and plenty of weapons scattered about. It all looks rather ominous I’m afraid.

Looks like we’re going to have to come back and do some more investigation, but it’s like a maze down there. It twists and turns, dead ends and circles back on itself. Whoever came up with the design plans for this is either a certified genius or an authentic wacko! I think we’ll need to employ the services of a map maker and I’m going to have to pay a lot more attention to the direction we’re travelling. I’m pretty sure we passed the same boat half a dozen times.

And let’s not forget one other thing. There seems to be a rising tide with the water down there. Did all the citizens of Ardoris flush at once or is something else going on? I thought we were going to drown and that would be a most undignified way to go. It also ruined by boots. They got wet and squishy and I didn’t like it.


Hmm, I wonder what’s in all these barrels. I certainly hope their not storing wine in them. This is a terrible place for a wine cellar. Oh yes, lovely bouquet with a hint of ????


I still think you’re up to no good, but this rug you’ve made is pretty nice.


So you put your rug right next to the sewage drain. You know it’s going to get ruined right? I mean, who puts carpet down in a sewer anyway? No wonder you guys haven’t been able to take over anything yet.


Wait, what? How the devil did a fishing boat get down here? First of all, who was the captain and where did you row in from?


That has got to be the worst stew ever. Oh and look, the tide is rising.


Oh great, we’re truly knee deep in the @#$% now. And just look what happened to this poor bastard. The indignity of it all!


OH!! OHH!! I’m up to my neck in it! It’s in my shoes! Gah, it’s down my back and in my leggings! Alley!! Alley!! Throw me a rope! Fetch the boat!

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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