Tavern

I regrettably admit my first forays into the pirate life have encountered a few unforeseen entanglements. Therefore, while I undertake the needed repairs to my fine sailing craft, I have devised another ingenious scheme to collect pirate loot. And from pirates no less.

I may not be gifted with nautical prowess, although my skills at walking the plank are now the stuff of legend. I do however possess an affinity for brewing fine ales and whiskeys without lumps. And what do pirates savor more than whiskey? That’s right, nothing! They are drawn to it like a moth to flame. Therefore I have set to the task of making numerous batches of premium ales and aged whiskeys to sell to my pirate confederates. This shall be garnished with savory meats and cheeses. All to be served in a very tasteful, decorative and upscale public house.

I have even imported the rare, and slightly dangerous flesh flayer plants. Not only are they a hypnotic delight to watch, they make up a key ingredient in my renowned Obsidian Elemental Guano Stout with Flesh Flayer Bitters. It is a mostly secret ale recipe I have been perfecting for years. Soon it will have just the right amount of bite without being mortally poisonous.

To keep away the unsophisticated commoners and general dragoons, and to let the pirate fellows know we are open and ready to cater to their needs, I have placed banners with their insignia, welcoming my pirate brethren. I am even offering ship repair services. Well, not me specifically, I am still learning the trade, and need time to recover from the hammer and chisel mishap.

But, I have made available my construction machinery for those heavy tasks. I have even provided an option to take a fabulous gondola ride around the Hollow.

We all know that pirates love gondola rides. A soothing and meditative cruise while enjoying a fine whiskey is an offer too good to pass up.

The pirates will flock to our shores. They will feast on delectables and enjoy the aromatic ales I have hand-crafted. It will be a glorious endeavor!

Behold, the aptly named Dirty Scoundrel! A fine pirate dining establishment!

I regrettably admit my first forays into the pirate life have encountered a few unforeseen entanglements. Therefore, while I undertake the needed repairs to my fine sailing craft, I have devised another ingenious scheme to collect pirate loot. And from pirates no less.

I may not be gifted with nautical prowess, although my skills at walking the plank are now the stuff of legend. I do however possess an affinity for brewing fine ales and whiskeys without lumps. And what do pirates savor more than whiskey? That’s right, nothing! They are drawn to it like a moth to flame. Therefore I have set to the task of making numerous batches of premium ales and aged whiskeys to sell to my pirate confederates. This shall be garnished with savory meats and cheeses. All to be served in a very tasteful, decorative and upscale public house.

I have even imported the rare, and slightly dangerous flesh flayer plants. Not only are they a hypnotic delight to watch, they make up a key ingredient in my renowned Obsidian Elemental Guano Stout with Flesh Flayer Bitters. It is a mostly secret ale recipe I have been perfecting for years. Soon it will have just the right amount of bite without being mortally poisonous.

To keep away the unsophisticated commoners and general dragoons, and to let the pirate fellows know we are open and ready to cater to their needs, I have placed banners with their insignia, welcoming my pirate brethren. I am even offering ship repair services. Well, not me specifically, I am still learning the trade, and need time to recover from the hammer and chisel mishap.

But, I have made available my construction machinery for those heavy tasks. I have even provided an option to take a fabulous gondola ride around the Hollow.

We all know that pirates love gondola rides. A soothing and meditative cruise while enjoying a fine whiskey is an offer too good to pass up.

The pirates will flock to our shores. They will feast on delectables and enjoy the aromatic ales I have hand-crafted. It will be a glorious endeavor!

Behold, the aptly named Dirty Scoundrel! A fine pirate dining establishment!

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There we have it! The pirate insignia is at full mast!
And the construction crane is at the ready should any mishaps come to pass.
It also makes for some fine entertainment through agility and feats of strength.

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My flesh flayer lovelies. Fun to look at, excellent flavor, and they protect the barrels.

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That will be a fine batch! It has all the hallmarks of being great. Excellent aroma, quality ingredients. No lumps. I’m getting good at this.

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Jugs of whiskey
Bottle of acquired Eleven wine
Some delicious cheese from the Clink
And a bit of smoked seafood for the discerning palette
This is going to go well

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

It took me awhile to figure out how people were making what looked like bar countertops. I had thought it was a super cool crafting item and shook my fists at the heavens when I couldn’t find the damnable recipe. Then, on an ale fueled trip to Owl’s Head, the secret was revealed to me. Well, not revealed exactly, I simply ran into the proper vendor selling them. Some say you shouldn’t stumble into the local bank as it makes people edgy and they’re not as inclined to give you money or sell you goods. Phooey I say to you! That is the best time to go shopping! And so I did.

When I found the vendor selling the Tavern Bar, I jumped for joy. When that sent the room into a terrible tailspin, I stopped. I had finally found where these awesome decorations were coming from and I had to have one. Well, I had to have five to be more precise. But then I realized mistakes had been made. Curse you encumbrance!!

The Tavern Bar is actually quite heavy, and five even more so. I had so overloaded myself that I couldn’t walk. Not that I walked slow or with some strange wobble or lean. No, much worse, I was stuck. I couldn’t even take a step. I pondered my plight and wondered if there was a way to get these home or call for help.

Alas, no one was available and even if I made it home, there was no way I could actually step onto my lawn to drop one. Sadly, I had no choice, but to sell two of them back (for a loss I might add) and take the other three with me.

You may be wondering why I needed five to begin with. Well, that’s a fair question. I needed two for one house, two for the other, and I wanted to keep some in reserve in case I needed to make an emergency bar area. You never know what the future will bring and I believe in being prepared.

Some may say that I should be content with the three I was able to stagger home with, but that’s not the way I do business. I threw the bars I had into the living room and dashed back up to Owl’s Head to get the other two. I was on a mission of spite! Now was the time to act. I had the money and the want to buy things. I wasn’t going to let anything, not even common sense stand in my way!

I grabbed more bars and then jumped back to Braemar. It then dawned on me that these bars might be a touch too big for indoor use. It’s not like I measured the space or anything. And it’s not like I have a whole lot of lawn space at my disposal.

Anyway, since the night of the great bar purchase I’ve been diligently working away to build a bar of my own. It’s actually a bit harder than it may seem since I’ve had to find the wood to make the tables and chairs, I’ve had to get money together to buy the plants and I’ve had to sneak into multiple houses and establishments to get enough mugs, candles and pitchers to complete my work. I assure you, these were all leftover or not in use items. It’s not like I pinched a mug from a table while someone was sitting there. Ok, maybe I did, but it was for a good cause and I don’t need your judgment.

So here they are. After several weeks worth of work I believe they are good enough to use and enjoy. They aren’t the greatest by any means, but are certainly serviceable. And one even has a working privy!

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My rooftop bar over in Braemar. I have the bar portion toward the front of the roof (away from the hatch) and the hot tub is right behind me.

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All right, so I pop up through this door and the party starts. That will be excellent.

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Bit dangerous standing he on the edge, but it looks like this arrangement will work out well. And you really have to work to fall over this edge, so it should be perfectly safe.

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The bar area in my other house over in Greystone. The designer has a thing for wood paneling that’s for sure.

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Yes, I  made all of these tables and chairs with my own little hands. And I used my own little hands to pilfer every candle, mug and pitcher you see. I still put in the effort, I should get some sort of credit for that.

More brilliant musings about my adventures in New Britannia

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